Friday, March 20, 2015



I cannot believe the breakfast club is 30! It was the first tape my family ever owned. This was back in a time where parents didn’t have access to online parent guides or reviews as to what was appropriate for children. My brother is 7 years older than me. At 15 I guess my parents thought he was mature enough to watch R movies. (He wasn’t). So mature that he would fire up the VHS, pop open a bag of Doritos and watch it with his 8-year-old sister, repeatedly. To this day I don’t think our parents have even seen a movie that I can recite word for word.
I would like to think that my parent’s lack of micro-supervision in the 80’s was beneficial. The lesson I learned while watching The Breakfast Club shaped how I parent today. So now I belong to a social club called parenting. It’s sort of social, demented and sad, but social.

1. Breakfast can be just as good for lunch. I would never have discovered the delight of a
Capn’ Crunch sandwich if I hadn’t seen Allison eat one.

2. Bitches can’t handle the smoke. Don’t think I didn’t think of that the first time I was offered a cigarette.

*On a side note: drugs don’t discriminate social groups. You can be a princess, an athlete, nerd or basket case and still smoke pot. The high doesn’t even last the entire day.

3. You have to carry a ton of shit in your bag, because you never know when you may need to jam. Especially if you are potty training a 3 year old.

4. Don't Go Into a Closet with A Bull,  Son. Principles and other people of authority show their true colors behind closed doors, or in a school closet. As soon as the door shuts they will call you a gutless turd. Just because someone has authority and makes a ton of money like “$31,000 a year.” Doesn’t make them a good person.

*On a side note: What principle wears a suit to work on a Saturday? 

5. Running in a group is always better than running by oneself. However, floors can be very slippery. Take caution when running.

6. Duct tape does not belong in a locker room. Poor Larry Lester. Also, if you see a jock holding duct tape in a locker room you better cover your buns and run.

7. Less is more. Nobody looks good with all that black shit in her eyes. Pulling your hair out of your face is a good thing.

*On a side note: You have to have really voluptuous lips and a yoga-like neck to pull off Clair’s lipstick trick. After 30 years of trying, I personally think it is impossible.

8. Parents can be assholes. They pressure their kids to be good a athlete, or to make the fucking elephant lamp to work. Or they ignore their kids or and become demanding when they want chicken potpies. As a parent, don’t be an asshole.

9. Good dancing is subjective. It could be rolling around a statue, or skip-dancing on the stairs, or doing some weird muscle man walk thing or drumming on your knee. Don’t worry about it, just move your body and be happy.

10. Don’t judge a book by its cover. You can make friends with anyone even when you only have one thing in common, like detention.

The sad reality is that if you were to have the same situation tomorrow in a school detention, those five students would probably never even learn each others name because their heads would be buried in  apps, snap chats and texts.

I’m so thankful I was able to live the awkward, kind of childhood that John Hughes told so well. It made me a kind of awkward bizarre parent I am today.

1 comment:

  1. Can I just give a big fat ditto to this whole post? And thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one who's tried Claire's lipstick trick. I'm just not busty enough. Or something.