Friday, May 2, 2014

Shave and a Hair Cut, 2 t*ts

You would think that having a boy would eliminate the drama when getting their hair cut.  This is not the case. I have been through so many bad hair cuts.

The boys never ask for a hair cut.  They will be looking like sheep dogs and not ask for a hair cut.   After I cannot stand looking at them anymore I take them in.  Where I live, there are several cheap and easy places to get a hair cut.  After trying one chain we will call "Mega Clips" at every local location and having my boys walk out with inconsistent bowl cuts, I decided to make it my mission to find a new place.

Sure, we have gone to salons. But spending $75 dollars and 2 hours for four boys to get haircuts every month is not an option. I mean, my hair doesn't cover the grey (or remain blonde) on its own.  I would rather spend that money on myself.

We tried an old school barber shop.  It didn't workout well.  Granted, their hair looked ok, but it also looked the same as every other person who left the place.  I'm not asking for a complicated style, but my boys already look identical to each other, they don't need to have matching hair cuts to further confuse the public.

I decided to make a conscious effort to explore our hair cutting options by taking one boy at a time to various places.

I took my oldest son to a glorified "Mega Clips" and at first I thought things were going really well.  That was until she said " Hey mom, is this too short?" Unless I gave birth to you, please don't call me mom, and yes, it is too short but there isn't much we can do about now.. is there?

Next I took Finegan.  He has a ton of hair and was actually born with it. He also has massive eye lashes and equally massive eyebrows.  Someday he will grow into them.    My point is,  he needs a hair cut often or he will end up looking like cousin It.  He chose a male themed hair cut place we will call "Ball Clips".  The parking lot was packed.  I had never seen so many cars outside a hair cut place. The moment we walked in I wasn't sure if we were in a sports bar or a barber.  There were stadium seats facing a huge television. Behind that, more televisions and more sports stuff.

He loved it. I didn't.

I put our name in and there was a 30 minute wait. I typically wouldn't wait that long, but Fin really needed a hair cut and "Ball Cuts" must be legit if this many people were willing to wait.  When we sat down I became acutely aware that I was surrounded by men.   The hairdressers were all young women and dressed in tight referee outfits. Now, I am familiar with actual female referee attire and I will say that these were not accurate representations of that.
Not only were all the men middle aged,  apparently they were all named  "Honey" "Hon" and "Sweetie".

A few years ago Hooters closed in our town. If you ever wanted to know if those waitresses found other jobs, rest assured, they did.

When our name was finally called, the women asked his age. Nine he said. She then then proceeded to ask him if he would like the deluxe package which includes a head massage, or a super deluxe package that would include and a warm face towel.

Again he is NINE. He said yes, I said no apparently with a look on my face that said WTF?   Then she confessed it was her first day, she came from... you guessed it, " Mega Clips".  Good lord! Why have you forsaken me?

I decided to stay with him while he got his hair cut giving her very specific instructions that I knew she would not follow.  While sitting there I got a glimpse into why "Ball Cuts" was so popular, and it wasnt the hair cuts.

I overheard a conversations where the hairdresser expressed how much she missed her client. And he expressed that he was just in for a free "touch up".  But letting her know he was going to leave a big tip.

If these girls were actual Hooters waitresses previously, then they must have broken a lot of plates because the amount of times they dropped something in front of the chair only to bend over to pick it up was alarming.  That explains the big tips.

A sad looking man walked in.  Sad because his wife decided to walk back with him when he got shampooed. She probably wondered why her husband was getting his hair cut so often and decided to investigate.

Next, a few teenage boys came in and asked how long the wait was. By now it was 40 minutes.  No problem! They were willing to wait.

I felt out of place. I hadn't noticed that there were no other children present. The hairdressers were probably looking at me like I was a horrible mom to subject her son to barber shop grade lap dances. I was ruining their mojo.  By the time I glanced back to my son he had convinced her to give him a butt cut. A 1984 legitimate butt cut.  I didn't care. I just wanted to get out before my son became a man right before my eyes.   

I have been a cocktail waitress, I understand flirting for a big tip.  But back then I was dealing with intoxicated individuals.  I guess with the omission of alcohol one may resort to flattery.  But what I do not, cannot and will not ever understand how these men can't see right through it?  If someone tells you that you have a strong head of hair and your hairline has recited back to 1971, chances are they are pulling your chain. Which to be honest, I'm not confident that there isn't a little chain pulling going on if you know what I mean.

There was a dimly lit back room where the head massaging took place,  where I'm sure that more (Ego) stoking goes on.

When we returned home Don asked how it went. I said he should never ever go there, it wasn't worth our $17. 

By the time we left, that simplicity of an old school barber shop was looking more an more revolutionary. Where you got what you paid for,  a shave and a hair cut, for only two bits.


  1. I have done the local tour as well...last stop was at my place where I paid $15 for the apprentice then had my girl come over and fix it for free. Jill was getting her cut from my master salon person so I figured it was fair she throw in the straitening of Jakes.

  2. We should go to beauty school and figure out how to cut the boys hair ourselves.

  3. I haven't found anywhere to take my boys for consistent, decent haircuts. If it looks good the first time, it's a disaster the next. So frustrating!!!