Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Skinny Jeans

After seeing my oldest son day after day in high water pants I finally decided to take him shopping with me.  He responded to this idea with the excitement of a turtle.  His back hunched over and he moaned and groaned as he slowly made his way to the car.  My boys have not caught the fashion bug.  Yet, they love wearing t-shirts with Minecraft characters on them.  Which proves my point, they have yet to discover their style.

I am probably to blame for this.  In my effort to compensate for not having a girl I have found tremendous pleasure in dressing them.  I lay out their clothes and they put on whatever is there.  On the days when I let them pick out their clothes (the days we have nowhere to go) they put on the first thing they pull out of their drawer, it could be a thermal shirt with shorts, not match and be 3 sizes too small.  I really have stunted their ability to pick out outfits. I'm not trying to create little metro-sexuals, but there is nothing quite like a guy with style.

When I met my husband he had style.  One of the things I admired and noticed about him was that he didn't dress like everyone else. In Los Angeles this can be hard to do.  He would go to a thrift shop before Mackelmore made it popular and pick out shirts that stood out. In fact Mackelmore was his roommate and I think the song was written about Don.  That isn't true…but it could be.  He would choose button down shirts from the 1950's and pull them off.  Unfortunately when we moved from California to the midwest he forgot to pack his style.  There are glimpses of it, but most of the time he dresses like a teacher whose mother has dressed him and actually, both of those are true.  He wears clothes that my mom and his mom give him for Christmas and birthdays and he is actually a teacher.  I love our mothers, but how many more Van Heusen shirt sets can a man wear? One too many in my opinion.  Once in awhile his coutour will reappear, but it as predictable as the weather.

So when Parker expressed a strong desire to purchase skinny jeans I was shocked. I was proud of him for having conviction in the direction of fashion, but why did it have to be skinny jeans?  There are very few people who look good in skinny jeans.  The obvious first one is skinny people, the second is rockstars. The problem is, everyone wears them.  Which is ironic since obesity rates are higher than they have ever been.  But since he really wanted them, I decided it was ok.  It was then that the clouds opened up and saving grace shined down on me.  They did not have his size. They had every other size 8,12,16, but not one 14 in any color.  My son is 11 but wears a size 14.  Oddly, skinny jeans must be popular in this age group.

I want the boys to express their style, I really do, but I know he would hate wearing those jeans, and more importantly I would hate looking at him in those jeans. My son's have my body.  They are not skinny nor fat.  They are muscly.  Which for a guy is great. For a girl… not so much.

I have accepted even sort of embraced my muscular physic but I accept there are certain things I just don't look good in. Cue- skinny jeans.  I look like a frog.

When Parker realized that he could not get skinny jeans he was disappointed.  I must admit, my heart broke a little watching him search every single pair of jeans in the skinny section knowing he couldn't wear any of them. Admittedly, I had been there too…just last week.

Because he is a boy and already dislikes the mall, he didn't even entertain the thought of going to a different store.

He ended up picking out a pink shirt. He has a fascination with pigs.  He collects pig stuff, wants to be called Porky (despite Don and I telling him that is not the best nickname for several reasons) and he even refuses to eat any pig products.

When I was younger, my parents let me express myself with hair and clothes.  I appreciate that, I don't appreciate photo evidence of it however. Especially the mullet with a spiked top.  So if we stubble upon a pair of skinny jeans in his size, I will let Porky get them. I will just stand near by with scissors when he needs to take them off.

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