Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Country Clubs are great!

Last summer we joined a country club for the summer. It’s a great deal (or so you think). For a great flat rate you can use the pool and cafe all summer. Oh and by the way you have to spend at least $50 in food per month... Oh and another thing, we will tac on gratuity to a $2 bag of chips. Last summer we over did it a bit, but this year we plan on being diligent on our food expenditures.  At least I thought we had that conversation.  Because it was a holiday they had an all you can eat buffet, which charged per person $$$. Thankfully Don has a huge capacity for food consumption, because I could not justify paying $8 per kid who each ate a rib and half a corn of cob. Not to mention the $5 beers Don kept ordering.   I drew the line when Jack came to our chairs with 3 bags of chips and an economy size box of peanut m&m's . I asked him how he got that and he said, it was easy, he went up and took it, and they asked him his name. I said did you tell them your last name? "no, just Jack". Hopefully they didn't figure out he was our son, but who am I kidding we all look alike. But seriously, if a 3 year old goes up to a bar and asks for a drink do you give it to him? No! geezus.  Its going to be hard to break the habit of overabundance this summer, but someone has got to do it.  I get a bit of bathing suit anxiety a few weeks before I know I have to be in one.  I must say I have been really good about working out and last summer I had just had a baby, so at least I know I look better than that. Despite being very pale, I felt ok about being half naked in public. 

That was until I got there. For whatever reason, there appeared to be a spokescouple for P90X enjoying the pool too.  I always can justify their ripped appearance by thinking that she hasn't had babies yet. Just wait. Well, she did and not one but two!  Ok, well I don't want to live in a gym.  I think women and men are very different when it comes to the pool scenario. Don can look at a guy his age who is un-naturally fit and think , huh that guy is ripped.  I don't even look at the hairless guy, I'm mesmerized by this women's abs. ABS? or A bunch of Bull Shit if you ask me. How is it possible?

Thankfully the pool area fills up with normal looking people so the Mr. and Mrs. Muscle and Fitness are not so obvious.  

I love watching the boys swim.  Parker is continually trying to jump off the diving board into a inner tube.  Unfortunately for him,  we don't have prescription goggles, and because he is blind as a bat his aim is a little..off.  Finegan is exploring with his snorkel, the helicopters and other things that have flown in the pool. All I can see is his butt and snorkel swimming around. Jack is wearing a life jacket and I can tell where he is by the life guards yelling " Jack, Walk!"  I have Oscar outfitted in a baby life jacket suit which is interfering with his balance.  He is toddling all over the place and not yet aware that if he falls into the pool he will sink, or almost sink. I spent most of the day following him.  Don is just a bigger version of Parker and I don't see him for hours at a time..

I had finally gotten over my body issues when the Kardashian sisters walked in (the older ones, not the younger one).  Just in case I haven't explained, I have what has been described as an "athletic" body type. I look more like a soccer player, than a softball player, but curves are not something that I would use to describe my silhouette.  The sisters looked to be about 20 and dangerously curvy.  They decided to set up camp at the only two chairs available, next to ours.   Don emerges from out of nowhere to ask if I needed anything. What?  As they put lotion on each other I feel myself adjusting my control top tankini.  I have a strong urge to hate them and go up shaking my finger to say " you better enjoy that body because before you know it, it will be gone GONE!"  After another hour or so Oscar is popping like corn, That is what I call whining in repeated little outcries pop pop, he was hot and hadn't slept or pooped.  I decided it was time to go.  The Kardashians had decided they were hot and needed to put their sexy feet in the water.  Like bees to honey all my boys were at their side. Finegan was pinching their toes. Parker and Jack were squirting them with squirt guns and Don was "making sure everything was ok".  When I  told them (again)  it was time to go and Jack was devastated, crying and screaming "no!" Thankfully Kardashian sister #1 piped up and said " Jack, would it make you feel better if you squirted me one more time" NO JOKE.  First of all, when were names exchanged? And why is she consoling my son with her boobs? That is my job.  So Jack puppy dog eyed her and said yes... And squirted her a final time.
Before we left, he asked if she would be back on Saturday, " yes" she said and with that, Jack made his first date.

On the ride home Oscar passed out, and the car was quiet, a very rare occurance. Don mentioned what a great day it was.  I said, " I bet it was, with all the eye candy"  He didn't respond. So I repeated it " I bet it was with all the eye candy". He said, he heard me the first time. But why wasn't he saying something like "  your candy is enough for me, or what candy?"  I guess he was exercising his right to remain silent.  I have no idea why I was mad at HIM for girls being there. I guess it goes with the territory.  He was smart to not say anything because it could have been used against him in the court of me... and it would have. But the insecurity storm blew over.

And with that the start of summer has begun.  I will continue to work my butt off to look average and there will always be someone who doesn't work out and makes looking good easy, but what they don't have is an all boy entourage following them around all day, every day.


  1. We joined a pool that is part of the parks department this year. I couldn't justify the country club expense yet :) I am hoping there are lower standards at the park department pools :) Ha!

  2. Love your blog! Look up Aqua Sphere Eagle Optics Goggles. They are inexpensive prescription swim goggles. If you know the diopters, you can get close to Parker's prescription and he can see! I picked up some for my daughter at a swim supply store at an outlet mall.

    - Blind as a bat mom with Blind as a bat dd